FOX - The Most Powerful Smell in News

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The Most Powerful Smell in News.

Today's Features

"It's like a dream come true!" - Karl Rove

- Nader confident extreme stupidity of current administration can be beaten if only America hears his extremely intelligent but unrealistic platform.

- President Bush not concerned at all, reminded concern not appropriate emotion to which he should feign immunity.

RELATED STORIES:

> 87% of Howard Dean's followers polled admit never having heard of Nader, say Nader is "full of realisitc goals!"
> Brit Hume actually seen smiling after learning of Nader's decision to run.

Ralph Nader promises to hand Bush his second term in office.

"Unprincipled? Look Who's Talking" Underwhelms Dozens

>> Animation's actual photo of a drunken Bush called "not fake enough" by Ted Sampley, right-wing hack who faked the John Kerry-Jane Fonda photo.
>> Reponse to Bush campaign's hate-filled, anti-Kerry ad 'Unprincipled' called "hate-filled" by Clinton hater.

Today's featured FOX News Personality:

Conservatives Set for Fair Fight

Bush team says it 'does not condone' efforts to question Kerry's patriotism, but says it will scrutinize Democratic front-runner's record on defense and security.

We report (urban myths and questionable glurge), You decide.

Kerry, seen here with the Grinch and Satan (photo by Ted Sampley)

Profiles in Courage
Ted Sampley Exemplifies
What it Means to be a Man

Ted Sampley knows what it's like to suffer. He recently came out of the closet, for decades has suffered from penile dysfunction, and most certainly suffered a hellacious year on duty in the Phillipines from '70 to '71.

"I was a 'booger hooker,' during Vietnam," laughs Sampley affectionately of his time in the U.S. Coast Guard. "In other words, I wiped pilots' dried mucus from the insides of F-4 canopies. It was demanding duty, and once I even pissed myself as an ejection mechanism coughed up a mysterious but abrupt puff of smoke during a pre-flight inspection."

Sampley, who - much like our brave and noble president - was honorably discharged, is also the man who unearthed the actual photo of John Kerry and Jane Fonda selling hemp doormats in Beijing in 1972.

"Anyone who says I doctored that picture is a communist fag," challenged Sampley, continuing, "and I'm no fa... well, I ain't a commie at least." Sampley, an active grave robber and collector of Beanie Babies, is one of North Carolina's most outspoken vets.

Sampley speaks to a group of fireworks enthusiasts at an anti-Clinton rally.

Brave Sampley pissed himself while serving during Vietnam

Gibson's next project - in work at PIXAR - will be called The Passion of the Coq.

Focusing on the Positive - Why Mel Gibson's Film Ruffles Liberal Feathers

Stand back, Nemo. Have another chocolate, Forrest Gump. The Passion of the Christ is possibly the most optimistic movie released since Deathwish. Indeed, Mel Gibson's controversial movie is angering liberals worldwide because it is simply too uplifting for their underdog-loving tastes.

From its opening credits -- where we watch Jesus being savagely beaten by Roman and Jewish brutes -- to its 62-minute crucifixion scene, this movie is about nothing but the brightest of moments from The Son of God's life. Truly, this man who is our Saviour is as Republican as the day is long.

As Bill O'Reilly expertly pointed out, one simply cannot walk away from
this movie without realizing just how conservative, tough, and vengeful
a carpenter Jesus Christ really was.

Mel Gibson, producer and son of a demented Nazi, denies he made the
movie to prove to the Arabs how violent Christians can be. "I'll shove
that microphone up your ass," chimed the overrated actor when
presented with the allegation. He then lamented the fact that Jesus was
never actually beheaded.

"That would a made a helluva crucifix, matey," rued the aging Australian.

FOX Celebrates its 200th Anniversary

Gibson's masterpiece is full of uplifting imagery such as this hour-long crucifixion scene.