FOX NEWS
It's True: John Kerry Really Does Look Like Lurch
by Brit "Munster" Hume
When I was a kid I used to love watching 'The Addams Family." Okay, I was a 26-year old college student flunking half my classes and calling in bomb threats to avoid mid-terms, but that's beside the point... [more]
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The Most Powerful Smell in News
Kerry - Edwards Ticket Looks Tough,
but Republican strategists assure FOX they're working on an equally tough "don't trust smart, eloquent, pleasant, and civil debaters" spin.
Whitehouse Books VP on ABC's Extreme Makeover
"About fucking time," - Cheney
Bush, Cheney Take High Road After Siccing GOP Dog Ed Gillespie on Kerry/Edwards
When he's not slandering Democrats, chairman of the Republican National Committee Ed Gillespie is busy over-predicting national expectations now that John Edwards has been chosen as John Kerry's Vice Presidential candidate.
"We're used to downplaying President Bush's expectations - you know, so his marginal performances can be called 'exceptional' - but this is a whole new angle," confided Gillespie. "We're having to guess the increase in Kerry's numbers, and then add a few percentage points of our own," he continued.
Gillepsie describes his position as deep within the unenviable space between a political rock and a hard place. "If we shoot just beyond the actual numbers, then the Kerry/Edwards surge in popularity can be called 'disappointing'," said Gillespie, "but if we overshoot this thing then we may end up upsetting Mr. Bush. He gets overwhelmed quite easily these days."
- Laura Bush Volunteers to Drive Vice Presidential Candidates to October Debate
- GOP Pundits Desperately Working on Finalizing "Only Fags Vote for Handsome guys" Spin
- President Initially Thrilled, Then Disappointed After Learning Edwards isn't Cheney's Replacement
- John McCain to Appear in New Ad Saying Something Not Totally Beneficial to Kerry/Edwards
- "I trust the Bush administration won't shit on me this time around," - McCain
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Tell the FCC how you feel about this July FOX News broadcast.
Brit has worked for FOX since his last lobotomy, in 1997. His Daily Denunciation can be heard every day on WNUTS 450 a.m.
9/11 PANEL CRITICIZES CLINTON
The FOX News 'Story That's Not Really A Story' Story
G.O.B.B.L.E. leader Al Keider promises to make this year's Democratic Convention "interestin"
Terrorist Group Threatens Democratic Convention
A hate group calling itself G.O.B.B.L.E. -- short for Good Ol' Boys Beatin' Liberals Everywhere -- has threatened to disrupt this year's Democratic Convention in Boston. G.O.B.B.L.E. leader Al Keider says his group plans to "make thangs interestin' for them pansy libruls up there in Baltimore, or
Bangkok or Boston er whutever."
Keider says he plans to have fun, but G.O.B.B.L.E.'s number one priority is to "stir up" the election process.
"Not our idear," explains Keider, "God tol' us to do it." According to Keider, God had a message sent directly to G.O.B.B.L.E.'s secret hideout deep in the hills of southern West Virginia.
"Ain't nobody knows how to get there, but when we seen them purty, black limousines pullin' up to deliver us a message, we knowed something inspirational was fixin' to happen."
New Republican Mantra: Walls Are Good
Reagan's Corpse Forgets to Roll Over in Grave
Flip-Flopping Liberal U.N. Court Mysteriously Rejects Big Government Project
Despite Decision of Satanic International Court of Justice, Israel Has Every Right to Finish its Separation Barrier
Bush and Cabinet Marvel at Israel's Ability to Unite, Not Divide
[More]
Marine Corporal Arrives Home; Issues Statement
Listen to Corporal Hassoun's Statement -->
God-Fearing Citizens Brace for 9/11 Panel's Focus on Failure of Clinton's Liberal Policies
Creation of Intelligence Czar Deemed a "Frivolous Expansion of Federal Government" by Tom Ridge, Whose Job as Homeland Security Czar is the Result of a Frivolous Expansion of Federal Government
Other, Non-Clinton-Related Findings Deemed "Ridiculous" by FOX's Own Bill O'Reilly
Oh, and Don't Forget - Sandy Berger Is Being Investigated by the F.B.I.
Of All Leadership Failures, Clinton Whitehouse Blamed For Nearly Half
Only Comies Sallute
With They're Left Hand!
If you knowe anthing about milatary than you should knowe that a PROPPER milatary salulte is renderized by the RITE hand.
But the Cominist Demacrats dont even knows this! They picked Max Cleveland, a supposably milatary herro intraduce John Kerrey... and he dont even knows wich hand to sallute with!
Max Cleveland sallutes fellow Demacrats in Boston
2004 COMMUNIST CONVENTION SHAMELESS DISPLAY OF EVIL
John Kerry embarrasses himself, other rich, white Americans during acceptance speech Thursday night.
Just How Close
Are They?
Kerry-Heinz step- children can barely conceal mutual lust during a shameless moment on stage.
John Edwards - Pedophile?
John "Pretty Boy" Edwards, caught on video molesting a small child. Sources inform FOX News he usually prefers boys.
Libral "Hero" Dosen't Knew How to Sallute
