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The Most Powerful Smell in News.
Traitor Did Exactly As He Was Told
Memo Wherein Clarke Wrote Precisely What He Was Told to Write Proves He's a Liar
- Richard Clarke, who was instructed to downplay the negative and exaggerate the positive in a memo he wrote in 2002, is now contradicting what were never his own words to begin with
- Bush takes time out from filming third and fourth 9/11-themed campaign ads to condemn Clarke for politicizing 9/11
RELATED STORIES:
> Neoconservative radio show hosts nationwide regretful they brought so much attention to Bill Clinton's attempts to assassinate Osama Bin Laden. Said a stoned Limbaugh, "it's tough to argue against a man who lobbed 78 Cruise Missiles at bin Laden."
Proving just how weak a man he is, Richard Clarke had the audacity to actually apologize to the families of the victims of 9/11
Clarke Mistakenly Accuses Bush Whitehouse
of Misunderstanding
Terrorism Itself
Richard Clarke, former
White House Counter-
terrorism Advisor,
seems to think the
country was attacked
on September 11, 2001
by forces other than
those we're fighting in
Iraq.
Furthermore, he holds
some harebrained
theory that by going into Iraq the United States has energized, in regions where terrorism typically breeds,
a sense of anti-American hatred beyond levels even he could have imagined prior to the attacks of 9/11.
What an crazy idealist this Clarke fellow is.
Most amusingly, Clarke seems to think terrorists cannot be thwarted by violent retribution. Clarke was recently quoted saying, "once someone commits suicide, there's little you can do punish him." As FOX News' own Shemp Hannity points out, that is "just ridiculous."
By Neil Cavuto
What do you think Richard Clarke's favorite TV Show is?
Results will appear in next week's edition. Vote as often as you like.
Condoleezza Rice Makes 14 TV and 34 Radio Appearances to Explain How She Doesn't Have to Explain Herself
Last week's Fair and Balanced question:
"What event from this week's top news stories did John Kerry's treasonous demeanor precipitate?"
Your response:
Spain turned into a Soviet State (54%)
Terrorists Bomb Baghdad (31%)
A charismatic and devlishly handsome Dr. Rice tells Oprah Winfrey just how trivial and unimportant Richard Clarke's claims really are.
Clarke's position as Chief Counterterrorism Advisor was deemed unimportant by an administration who's always held terrorism as its #1 priority.
FOX BIOS
ASSman, David
Blows, Tony
Boilerplate Boys
Cavuto, Fluffy
Doofus, Seedy N.
Drug Addict
FOX and Friends
Führer, Mark
Gibson, Glug-Glug
Hannity, Shemp
Hill, E.D.
Hubris, Brit
KILLMEAT, Byron
Levin, Dork
LIE'ly, Billow
Miller, Shaky
Murdoch, Rupert
Napolitano, Andrew
North, Oliver
Priggish, Newt
Rails, Codger
Rivera, Geraldo
Smith, Shitturd
Stammerin, Carl
Thomas, Cal
Von Clusternen, Gretel
And there is ample evidence against Clarke's principle argument that Bush's policies are actually making terrorism worse. First of all, he typed a memo in 2002 that seems to indicate he was told by Bush to lie. Secondly, he is a liberal nutcase. Thirdly, he's just ridiculous. And finally, he's using the memory of 9/11 for political gain - something the president calls "bad."
But there's a deeper fault in Clarke's thinking; as should be obvious to anyone reading our Fair and Balanced® coverage, Clarke has done what so many of his liberal, tree-hugging communist pals have done in the past: he has misunderestimated the White House. Worse, he's motivated by vengeance. As Fair and Balanced® FOX News points out every six minutes, Clarke was demoted by Bush prior to 9/11.
However, in a statement too convoluted to make any sense, Clarke himself explained that his demotion actually bolsters his case: "George Bush demoted the position of Counterterrorism Advisor. The entire position was eliminated from the senior cabinet. It could have been Charleton Heston in that position, but the fact remains that the position itself - and not just I - was eliminated by Bush. If that doesn't prove Bush had his priorities screwed up, what does?"
The amount of mental effort it takes to completely understand much of what Clarke says proves he's a liberal wack-job.
"For this very reason the White House has completely focused all its time and energy disputing what Clarke is saying," screamed a level-headed Rice.
Retired Lieutenant Oliver North's New Series, Fascinating Fascists - An Account of My Time Covering for Reagan, begins tonight on FOX News - The Most Powerful Smell in News®.
Palestinian Issues
Threats Against the
United States
Abdel Aziz al-Rantissi,
the new leader of the
Palestinian group
Hamas, has declared
George Bush and the
United States of
America "enemies of all Muslim people." However, anyone who voluntarily steps into Rantissi's current position can't be that brave a man.
As a response the Bush administration is looking into justifying an invasion of Egypt or Libya.
Shemp
Hannity
Asserts
Richard
Clarke
is Full
of Lies
"He said
someone
looked
like they
seen a
ghost,"
explained Shemp, "and everybody
knows there ain't no such things as
ghosts."
"In fact," added Shemp, "I happen to know Clarke once said a certain beer tasted like piss. But how can beer be piss if it's really beer?"
Shemp promises to have his ghostwriter write a book on the subject called "Cats and Dogs - What Richard Clarke Claims Rain is Made Of."
Dean Supporters Flip-Flop on Who They Support
Showing just how wishy-washy and unorganized they are, so-called 'Deaniacs' are now supporting John Kerry for president in 2004.
Deaniacs are one of those groups known for their bizarre political habits - unyielding loyalty to their political party, an exaggerated sense of "bias" in the news media, and record turn-outs for key elections.
George Tenet Not Losing Sleep Over Doomed Bush Administration
Claiming he "knows a thing or two about monkey-boy" to keep himself safe from the nastiness that typically surrounds everything with Bush's name on it, CIA head George Tenet says the expansive rings under his eyes come from sleep lost due not to concerns about Bush et al, but rather about someone named "Lady Heroine."
"She means everything to me," rued Tenet sleepily.
Tenet assures nation "monkey-boy" can't touch him. Says, "hey, I'm the head of the CIA here... do I gotta spell everything out for youse guys?"
Liberal Reporters' Defense
of Richard Clarke Laughable
The shameless man behind
"The McLaughlin Group" had
the nerve to invite Pat
Buchanan onto his political
show this weekend.
What is normally an ultra-
liberal pundit panel became
downright communist as left-
winger Buchanan got in a couple
of potshots at the current administration's expense.
"The cancer (of terrorism) has been metastasised by our invasion of Iraq," and "(Iraq) was not a necessary war"
All material herein © 2001 - 2004 Original Faux News Logo © 2001 'Spinner' Logo © 2003
This site is in no way associated with the Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation or the Fox News Channel. All material herein is intended as parody. Any similarities in format or "personnel" are purely satirical. If you're looking for a good case of the Big Hammer, then sue away. I could use the material.
