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Related Stories:- GOP advisors: agreeing to three debates a "colossal mistake"
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- Senator Kerry conveys 'it's possible to think Saddam Hussein is evil without thinking he took part in 9/11' message -- Rove, Rumsfeld fear most Americans now actually get it.
Senator John Kerry handed George W. Bush his smirking ass during Thursday night's debate at the University of Miami.
Washington residents: "Name new team 'The W's' - after George Bush!"
After more than three decades, Washington D.C. is finally getting another major league baseball team. Having lost their precious Senators in 1971, the nation's capital now awaits the arrival of the former Expos from Montreal.
Fans of George Bush, Mayor Williams and fellow baseball enthusiasts don baseball caps sporting the president's nickname "W."
Samarra's "Progress" Too Sweet for Many Young Children
As Iraq's interim puppet.... er, leader, Prime Minister Allawi assured us just this week, many parts of Iraq are much safer than they were under Hussein.
For instance, he cited, in Samarra the children are free to play in the streets. "They are always inventing new games," he boasted, adding, "I think their favorite now is dodge ball. When Saddam was in
charge of things, all they could play was stick ball, kick the can, or hide and seek. But children feel so liberated nowadays they engage in much freer sports."
Bush Neglects to Develop Exit Strategy for Withdrawing from Further Debates
President Receives Bitch-Slapping, Own Ass, in First Debate
Billow prepares a revisionist review of Thursday's debate.
Hinting at the totally unpredictable nature of his spin, O'LIEly says
Bush "clearly won, though most say it was a tie. That's simply not the case, mkay?"
For days political scientists have seen it coming; many doubted it was true.
But on Friday, as predicted, Dick Cheney began to grumble immediately following the presidential debate in Miami.
Fortunately, scientists predict this outburst won't be as major as the one in June on the Senate floor. That outburst, say experts, was triggered when Patrick Leahy stirred up a small pocket of concentrated vitriol just below the surface of Cheney's chrome-like dome.
Others didn't forsee last night's seismic activity, and now admit they underestimated the debate's effect. Said one analyst, "we saw some cracks appearing over the past several days, but we just thought it was the usual gas and hot air that typically lies beneath Dick's crusty exterior."
Mt. Dick Cheney Ready to Blow
Administration Who is Waging a Global War on Terror Doesn't Think America Should be Acting Globally
globally, but to prove just how unbeffiting a global test for preemptive policy would be.
With so much to work with, George Bush's supporters are desperate... morally obligated to squelch the overwhelming opinion that John Kerry won Thursday night's debate, and so far Kerry's depiction of an American preemptive foreign policy passing a "global test" is the best thing we've got. With that term we're again suggesting Kerry would seek "a permission slip" from the U.N. - which Bush proved is impossible!
Brilliant, eh?
Although he was first to use the term "global" Thursday night - in reference to his preemptive war on terror - George Bush proved to the world that acting globally without first appealing to other nations of the same globe is the best way to sell democracy! After all, he sent Colin Powell to the U.N. before he launched his own preemptive war... NOT to act
Scientists continue to keep a watchful eye on Mount Dick Cheney Sunday after government officials acknowledged an elevation in the blowhard's depravity.
Despite the danger posed by patroling near the raging monstrosity, officials continue to evacuate nearby residents.
FOX News Accidentally Treats Bush in 2004 Debate Like it Treated Gore in 2000 Debate
Our Decision to Cover Reaction Shots Backfired... Is Something We Don't Regret
Naturally, of course, being a dyed-in-the-wool, sell-out Republican institution, FOX News will hold no one accountable for this error.
Turns Out A Litte Bit of Flip-Flopping Ain't So Bad!
Tony Blows
If you learned anything last Thursday night, it was this: John Kerry has a way of describing his own flip-flopping in a way that some people don't mind so much. I've studied his comments enough to make an educated guess, and as far as I can tell he thinks it's okay to change your mind sometimes.
I know, I know -- it sounded like bull hockey to me too, but this is not such an unpopular idea! Well, you might ask, what can a guy do when over half the country doesn't mind a wimpy, idea-changing girly-man decides to run for president?
The only thing to do, my friend, is pretend to flip-flop. Trust me on this: I know what I'm talking about. I've pretended to hold so many positions on issues like Medicare and Foreign Policy that quite often I have to remind myself what I really believe, and what I say to appease my neocon readers and viewers.
So, from this day forward the new FOX News spin is not that Bush is totally uncompromising, but actually quite adaptable.
But worry not - you and will know he's just pretending!
Should we meddle in the affairs of nations that pose no threat to us? Ask Tony Blows today what he thinks, then ask him in 5 years! It's a hoot!
Should the US be a Police State?
Carl is most famous for his post-9/11 expose' of Israel having prior knowledge of
White House Pleased No One Noticed Bush's Earpiece
Rove Only Distracted President Once
The electronic gear Karl Rove equipped the president with in order to relay "intelligent" responses during the first presidential debate was a smashing success.
Although some speculation arose afterwards, based on Bush's slip-up at the 40 minute mark -- accidentally blurting out "let me finish" to apparently no one -- cabinet officials are pleased no one really noticed the wire George Bush was wearing.
However, a handful of internet bloggers have caught on, but, according to Rove, "by the time this story dominates the internet Cheney will be ripping Edwards a new (orifice)"
Click to watch a video of the small device in
"We done a good thing," snickered the president, "an' that ain't somethin' I'm bein' ear-fed, neither!"
the back of President Bush's coat.
VP Manages to Follow Bush Down the Road to Bitch-Slappy-Ville
Despite feverish efforts by us... correction - by the GOP to skew opinion surveys immediately following Tuesday night's debate, most polls reflected the reality of the night: Dick Cheney lost his ass to John Edwards.
But FOX News wants to assure its fans: do not despair. There are four weeks until the election, and a lot of surprises could happen before then. If nothing else, a good, healthy dose of Ridge-induced, color-elevating fear mongering would do the trick.
What you should be especially happy about is that no one will ever find prove that Cheney's best line - "the first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight" - is actually a lie.
After all, what evidence to the contrary could a few liberal internet bloggers find in a mere month's time?
New GOP Message:
Kerry Consistently the Most Liberal Senator . . . Whose Flip-Flops Betray a Lack of Consistency
Unfaltering Bush administration changes their tactics before continuing to remain resolute.
Harking back to his February fatuity, Bush again raises the level of inanity in his steady, but ever-changing mantra.
According to latest FOX Dynamic Poll, Bush has good reason to act with desperation at this point in his campaign.
"Poppy" Bush secretly happy 'nutjob' doomed to lose.
Top U.S. Arm Inspector: Saddam Hussein Had a "Real Bad Attitude"
Charles Duelfer, head of the Iraq Survey Group, told the Senate Armed Services Committee on Wednesday that Saddam Hussein
"definitely has a a real bad attitude." Duelfer was satisfied his findings justify the invasion liberation of Iraq.
"Hussein was pretty pissy about the U.S. - and once even defecated on an 8 by 10 glossy of John Wayne," testified Duelfer. "Nonconformist all the way -- definitely not a team player."
After downplaying the lack of weapons, Duelfer told Senate Republicans of Hussein's complete collection of Carl Sagan books. "If that's not un-American, I don't know what is."
Carl Emulates Swift Boat Vets
"I wanna be cool, too!"
Despite polls indicating Bush lost his ass in the second presidential debate, GOP supporters believe pretending Bush did "okay" will trump reality itself.
In an unrelated matter, FOX is desperately seeking additional Bush family members to assist us with Election Night coverage.
Non-Delusional Republicans Convinced Bush Won Debate
Related Talking Points:Completely in touch with reality, Bush decides admitting he made mistake by denying $84 Timber Industry would be another mistake; says, 'two wrongs don't make a right.'Conservatives who downplay importance of presidential debates & polls bend over backwards to affect polls about debates.
George Bush's body language and facial expressions made it quite obvious who won the extremely unimportant debate we'll spend weeks obsessively trivializing.
Dick Cheney Warns Citizens New "Truth Verification" Trend a Danger to Nation's Well-Being
Liberal Media, Including 'Bloggers,' Endangering U.S.A. with Faddish New 'Fact Checking' Craze
There is nothing more important to the security of our country
than loyally following those in position to lead it. The VP has cleverly designed a system to check your loyalty: by telling blatant lies the press will undoubtedly expose, Cheney can gauge which of us are willing to blindly follow him in times of crisis.
Mainstream Press Continues to Ignore Good News From Iraq
The paradise that is Baghdad -- photo by Ted Sampley
Rumsfeld Visits Iraq Gameshow
Solidly Steadfast & Non-Wavering Republicans Change Kerry Label from "Unprincipled Flip-Flopper" to "Overly Principled Liberal"
FOX News has decided to take a break from scaring Americans into thinking the Democrats threaten our safety and sovereignty. In an effort to reassure the nation we - like the president - have a firm grasp of reality, we've decided to focus on Iraq's positive stories. The ones no one else is telling you.
perceived waffling on the part of the GOP. The chairman of the Republican National Committee explained, "(voters) are stupid, anyway. That's true of our base, at least."
Ed Gillespie (search) is not worred about
Liberated Iraqis are more like us than the liberal news would have us believe: they love game shows, including the popular The Newly Beheadeds.
